He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
