Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
