I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize