You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
