There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
