i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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