I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
