Is it because I queefed?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
