I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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