can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
