You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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