I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
