Buhtt sex?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
