Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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