Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
