He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
