My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
