My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
