When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
