i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
