he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
