Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
