ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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