that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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