It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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