spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
