why didn't you poke me back
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
