if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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