What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
