..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
