it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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