Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
