i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
