yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
