He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
