No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
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I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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