I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
