How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
