i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
