so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
