Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
