i permit you to call me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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