i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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