You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
