at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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