I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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