what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
