so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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