You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
