so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
