Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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