I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
