OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
