By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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