I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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