I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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