Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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