The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
