i just wanna soil my oats bro
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
