I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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