All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
