so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
