You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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