you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
