You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
