Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
