Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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