we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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