Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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