That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
