dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
